beren_writes (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
beren_writes) wrote2008-03-12 09:04 am
beren_writes) wrote2008-03-12 09:04 am
Fic: Out With The Old, In With the New, Bill/Tom, NC17/18, Tokio Hotel RPS, 04/20
Title: Out With the Old, In With the New 04/20
Author: Beren
Fandom: Tokio Hotel RPS
Pairing(s): Bill/Tom, Bill/OMC (reported, non-con)
Rating: NC17/18
Warnings: rape (non-graphic), twincest, vampires
Summary: There are things that many people do not see and are never supposed to see, but when one of these takes Bill from his hotel room, by force, everything changes for him and Tom.
Links:
Prologue | Ch 01 | Ch 02 | Ch 03 | Ch 04
| Ch 05 | Ch 06 | Ch 07 | Ch 08 | Ch 09
| Ch 10 | Ch 11 | Ch 12 | Ch 13 | Ch 14
| Ch 15 | Ch 16 | Ch 17 | Ch 18 | Ch 19 | Ch 20
Full Chapter Listing (with chapter descriptions)
Chapter 4 Others
Bill had flaked out after about fifteen minutes with the gummy worms and Tom had taken the opportunity to ring his mother and ask her to bring Gordon as well for the visit. In the end Bill had been so deeply asleep that Tom couldn't wake him, so, when their mother and stepfather arrived, Bill was still eating breakfast. Having slept, Bill had a lot more energy than Tom had seen in him all the time he had been at the hospital. There was no where near the usual exuberance Bill normally had, but it was so different it amazed him.
The knock on the door came just as Bill had taken a huge bite of a piece of toast and Tom watched his twin carefully to gauge his reaction.
"Mum," Bill said, seemingly forgetting his mouth was almost full and looking at the closed door.
It was only then that Bill appeared kind of nervous.
"I'll go and let them in," Tom said, patting him on the arm.
He had been sitting on the end of the bed while Bill ate his food. The hospital was providing him with food as well, but he had eaten quickly, because he knew it was likely that their parents would arrive in the middle of breakfast. Tom saw Bill pick up a pillow and hug it to his front as he opened the door.
"Hi, Mum," he greeted with a smile and hug as his mother came through the door.
Gordon gave him a fatherly pat on the back and then he closed the door as his parents walked into the room. It was a little awkward as they came to a halt once they realised Bill was looking at them.
"Hello, Mama," Bill said very quietly and Tom heard his mother give a little gasp.
He waited then, not sure what was going to happen next. Very slowly Bill put down the pillow and moved to the edge of the bed. It was the furthest Bill had moved voluntarily and by himself since the kidnapping and Tom found himself holding his breath. He watched as their mother slowly walked towards Bill and Bill took a couple of hesitant steps in return. They stood a foot or so apart for what seemed like ages and then finally Bill moved.
"Oh, Bill," their mum said as Bill wrapped his arms around her and she responded in kind.
For a moment Tom felt like crying as he saw Bill reconnect with someone other than him, but he caught himself quickly. Instead he walked back up to the bed and sat down.
"Finish your breakfast," he said in a no nonsense tone when Bill and his mother finally broke apart and the rebellious look that Bill sent him made him grin broadly. "It's getting cold," he added as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
Bill rolled his eyes at that and sat back down; Tom knew his twin could be obstinate, but even though he pouted, Bill did go back to his piece of toast.
Gordon didn't really seem to know what to do with himself, but went to sit down when Simone took him by the hand and led him to the two chairs that were set up for them.
"You're looking so much better, Bill," their mum said with a smile as she sat down, "how are you feeling."
"Strange," Bill admitted around his food, "but better; Syb is helping me sort my head out."
"Syb?" their mum asked. "Who is Syb?"
Bill smiled as if he was about to tell his mother about his best friend in school and Tom realised he should have spoken to Bill about that before their parents arrived.
"Syb's a S..."
"Specialist," Tom interrupted as smoothly as he could, hoping that it would not upset his twin; "the one Dr Brucker mentioned yesterday, she's been coming at night because that was when Bill has been most with it. She asked if you could come back this evening so she could speak with you, since she's an expert on Bill's condition."
Looking at Bill, Tom knew this was going to be bad, he could see it and he moved to Bill's side straight away. Bill went from buoyant and cheerful to anxious and distressed in a heartbeat.
"They don't know," Bill whispered in a voice Tom was sure only he could hear, "Tomi, they don't know. They might ... they might ..."
"Ssh," Tom said, stroking the hair back from Bill's face and making his twin look him in the eye, "this is Mum and Gordon, they won't anything."
"But they don't know," Bill said, clearly close to tears.
"My Bill," he said firmly, "remember; you're always my Bill and you're Mum's Bill and Gordon's Bill too, no matter what."
Bill was falling to pieces again, all the seeming togetherness gone as the crisis reared its head and Tom just climbed back onto the bed, pulled Bill to him and let it happen. He couldn't keep Bill in one piece, but he could hold the shards together until Bill could do it himself. With Bill's face buried in his shoulder he looked up at his confused and worried parents.
"Not you," he mouthed at them and gently cradled Bill as his twin shook silently in his arms.
In the end, when it became obvious Bill was staying put, he went back to the technique he had been using before and spoke to his parents as if everything was normal, holding Bill to him and hoping that his twin would react sooner or later. Eventually Bill did pull away from him, but Bill was quiet and withdrawn almost to the same extent as he had been before. Coaxing any words out of him was incredibly hard, but Tom managed it a few times as the day wore on.
====
Bill was still subdued by the time Sybil arrived.
"Good evening, Gentlemen," Sybil greeted as she came into the room.
"Hi, Syb," Tom said and tried to present a more cheerful front than he was feeling; Sybil had asked both of them to feel free to use the shortening of her name and so he decided then was a good time to start.
After seeing such a difference in Bill that morning, having his twin set back so much in such a short time was weighing heavily on him. It was like living on a yoyo.
Bill was sitting in the middle of the bed, cross legged, staring down at his hands and barely even glanced up when Sybil entered the room. As Tom watched, Sybil walked over to where Bill was and sat down, reaching out in an almost motherly gesture and tucking a stray lock of Bill's hair behind his ear for him; clearly Bill brought out that instinct in many people. Bill didn't move.
"I can feel your fear, Bill," Sybil said gently, "you should not be keeping it inside."
Sybil looked over at Tom and beckoned him forward with her eyes. He walked over and sat down on the bed beside Bill.
"I need you to tell us why you are afraid, Bill," Sybil said in a firm, but kind tone, "you must not bottle it up inside or it will undo all I am helping you with."
She reached out and lifted Bill's chin and Tom just wanted to gather Bill back into his arms and take the pain away, but he knew he couldn't.
"I don't want them to know," Bill said in a voice that clawed at Tom's heart. "I thought they knew, but they didn't and I don't want them to know."
Tom slipped his fingers between Bill's and squeezed his twin's hand in silent support.
"It's too late, Bill," Sybil replied and surprised him as much as she clearly surprised Bill, "I have already spoken to them and they needed to know."
"What?" Tom couldn't help himself; that hadn't been the plan.
Sybil turned her wise gaze onto him and he found himself shutting up before he could protest further.
"I called them this afternoon and asked them to come in earlier than they had arranged with you," Sybil explained calmly. "Most people do not even suspect we really exist; it is a shock to the system and people in shock do not react normally. I did not want Bill exposed to that in his delicate condition so I spoke to your parents without you present."
Bill looked completely terrified.
"What happened?" it was a desperate question.
"Your mother cried," Sybil said, speaking in a very gentle tone, "and your stepfather comforted her. Then they both asked to see you as soon as possible."
Bill didn't look like he was sure this was true, which was so very sad, because once Bill would have had complete faith in their mother.
"Markus is talking to them now, reassuring them as only he can," Syb continued. "He will bring them along shortly."
Tom sat down on the bed and pulled Bill against him in a quick hug.
"Everything will be fine," he promised, rubbing Bill's arm gently, knowing that his touch soothed Bill in a way nothing else could.
Bill turned and looked at him and still didn't seem to believe.
"This is Mum and Gordon," he tried again; "the parents who let us go out and be rock stars. This is nothing compared to that."
It was supposed to be a little joke and he smiled at Bill, trying to make him see that everything would be okay, and he did get the slightest response back, but only the slightest.
"Mum will probably just ask you to help move all the heavy crap out of the spare room when we get home," he had a last ditch attempt. "You know Gordon's been avoiding it for years."
That actually earned him the tiniest of smiles. At that moment he wanted to kiss Bill so badly it hurt and he only just managed not to. He sat back a little to bring himself under control and then he turned to Syb. It was quite obvious that she knew what he was feeling, even if Bill still appeared completely innocent of it.
"These are for you, Bill," Syb said, reaching into her pocket and pulling out a small plastic case.
Tom leaned over a little, curious as to what Syb was holding.
"Contacts?" he asked as Bill took the offered gift.
Syb smiled and nodded.
"They make a vampire's life far easier," Syb replied and Tom watched Bill examining the case carefully and slowly opening it. "They will do the same job as dark glasses, but less visibly to anyone looking. Bill, I think it would be a good idea if you try these soon and get used to them before you leave the hospital. Once you're up and around properly we'll have to organise a trip to an optician to have some custom made just for you; they'll be more comfortable that way, but these will help you get started."
Bill put the lid back on the case and looked up.
"Thank you," Bill said in a quiet voice.
It was clear Bill wasn't really thinking much about the lenses and Tom couldn't blame his twin; he would have been scared in Bill's place as well. When Bill's eyes zeroed in on the door and Syb turned to look in the same direction, Tom knew that his parents had to be outside in the hallway. Without asking either of them, Syb stood up and walked to the door. Bill looked ready to bolt when Syb calmly took hold of the door handle and Tom tightened his grip just a little so Bill was flush against him. Right about then Bill needed all the comfort he could get, so Tom was going to make sure he was there to give it. By the time the door was opened and Markus appeared in the doorway, Bill was breathing in little gasps and it was all too clear to Tom that Bill was starting to panic; he had little choice but to do something.
Taking hold of Bill's chin he turned his twin's head so that Bill had to look at him.
"Look into my eyes," he said calmly, but firmly, "don't think about anything else. Just breathe and look at me."
Bill appeared to try, but was obviously having trouble.
"In," Tom said, taking a long deep breath, "out," he continued and demonstrated, "in," Bill just about managed it on the second instruction, "out."
He didn't take any notice of the fact that people were entering the room, he gave his full attention to Bill and hoped that Bill would be able to do the same in turn. It took a few more calm instructions, but eventually Bill was no longer about to hyperventilate and Tom knew they had to face their mum and Gordon.
"There is nothing to worry about," he said in a low whisper.
Bill gave a shaky nod in return.
Finally turning to look, Tom saw their mother hovering at the end of the bed; it was very clear she had been crying, but what had Tom's eyes tearing up even though he blinked them away was the love shining in her red rimmed eyes. He had never had any doubt that their mum would embrace what ever became of her children, but then he had not had every foundation of his character tested and undermined like Bill.
"Billi," their mother said in a hushed voice.
Bill was still looking at him and Bill looked so terribly afraid. Tom gave his twin a little nod of encouragement and very slowly Bill turned. The tension was so thick Tom thought he could almost see it. This time their mother didn't wait for Bill to move, the moment Bill so much as glanced at her, she walked forward and she took hold of Bill's face in her hands.
"I always knew my boys were extraordinary," she said and Tom could hear the tears in her voice, "but I never imagined this much. My poor baby, what did he do to you?"
Then Tom watched his mother lean forward and place a kiss on Bill's forehead before pulling Bill into a close embrace.
"I love you," their mum said, holding out her hand to Tom as she held Bill close, "both of you."
Tom went to his mother then, without the slightest hesitation and wrapped her and Bill in his long arms. Bill's arm snaked around him as well and Bill's grip was almost painful, but that was because it was strong and firm. It felt like an embrace that could last forever.
===
The world was a bit of an up and down place for Bill at the moment. One minute everything was clear and he was happy and content and the next something would frighten him and send him reeling into the abyss of despair from which he could barely escape. The only thing that was constant was Tom; Tom was his rock as his mind lurched between states that he didn't seem to have much control over.
He remembered the last few days more as flashes than real memories and he had moments even now when he didn't remember what had happened, but they were much shorter. Syb had told him that it was the pressure his mind had been put under by his attacker trying to force a bond with him. Parts of his thought processes had shut down in self defence and with Syb's help they were slowly recovering, but sometimes his mind still retreated.
The memory of his captivity was also a mess of feelings and images rather than anything coherent, but bits of proper memory were beginning to come back to him as well. He didn't want to remember, but there was nothing he could do about it, so he tried to push the recollections as far away from his conscious thoughts as he could. Tom helped with that; he could concentrate on Tom when his twin was there and it kept the fears at bay.
He was concentrating on Tom very hard as they waited for today's visitors to arrive. Part of him wanted to see Georg and Gustav, which was why he had asked for them to be allowed to visit, but the rest of him was terrified. Logically he knew they wouldn't hurt him, but men frightened him; they pulled up garbled memories of strong arms holding him down and another body violating his own. He couldn't help it and the idea that he might freak out on his friends was horrible to him.
The fact that he was wearing his own clothes for the first time in a long while made him feel a little better. His mother had brought some in earlier in the day and it felt good to be at least a little in control of his appearance again. A small excursion to the shower down the hall had helped his confidence as well, even though he was absolutely sure he never would have had the courage to step outside his room without Tom right there.
"Oh my god," Georg said as soon as the door opened, "you'd think we were visiting royalty or something."
"At least you got the pretty woman asking you questions," Gustav replied, acting as if it was any other day, "I got the six foot four gorilla with a bad attitude."
Bill didn't quite know how to react, but after a moment he cracked a smile.
"Hi guys," Georg greeted with a grin, "you would not believe the hoops we had to jump through to get in here."
"You'd think you weren't famous or something," Tom said with a laugh.
Bill might have managed to find the courage to say something as well, but at that moment his nose twitched and his eyes zeroed in on a covered something that Gustav was carrying.
"Waffles," he said, before his mind caught up with his sense.
"Glad to see your nose is working okay," Gustav said and pulled the cover off what he was holding with a flourish.
"We come bearing gifts," Georg added and the pair walked further into the room.
"Where on earth did you get waffles?" Tom asked and Bill wanted to know the same thing.
The fact that the waffles were still hot and appeared to be covered in powdered sugar was making Bill's mouth water.
"Gustav sweet talked the manager of the cafeteria downstairs," Georg said with a laugh; "you know how the slightly older ladies think he's the best thing since sliced bread."
"That's because I know words longer than one syllable," Gustav replied and put the tray on the bed.
Gustav then produced four plastic forks and put them on the bed next to the waffles.
"I'd eat them while they're hot if I were you," their drummer said and picked up one of the four cardboard holders containing a waffle before wandering to sit down in one of the chairs.
Much to Bill's pleasure, Tom picked up two of the offerings and handed one to him. It wasn't that he couldn't move; it was just he didn't want to do anything stupid and he still had a few issues with men. It wasn't logical, but it took him a while to get used to people, even if he had known them forever.
"Thank you," he said, remembering his manners after the wonderful flavour of the first bite brought his mouth alive.
"I think we may need the name of your contact," Tom said with a conspiratorial wiggle of his eyebrows.
"Hmmm," Bill agreed happily around his next mouthful. "Oh, and thank you for the gummi worms, Georg," he added as the thought came to him.
"Well we couldn't let you starve on hospital food, now could we," Georg replied and successfully managed to tip icing sugar all down his black t-shirt.
That made Bill giggle and he realised he was having trouble remembering why he had been nervous in the first place.
====
Bill was restless and agitated and he knew exactly why, but he didn't quite know how to go about getting what he needed. He was hungry, and not for food, and he had been most of the day. He had thought he had the whole idea of feeding sorted out in his head, but now faced with it, he clearly didn't. The problem was it seemed so alien to have to ask Tom to help him. He knew he had bitten Tom before, but it was all a jumble in his head that just didn't make any sense. He couldn't tell what was dream and what was reality from that time.
Tom had seemed somewhat reluctant to go into details about what it had been like for him and Bill could only assume that it had been unpleasant. Asking Tom for anything unpleasant after how much Tom had already done for him was something he only wanted to do if he really had to. The problem was that the longer he waited the more fixated he was becoming on Tom.
It hadn't been long since his whole world had been Tom, but it had been just long enough that his fixation was worrying. He gnawed nervously on the end of his thumb as Tom watched a TV show that Bill had long since given up trying to watch as well.
"What's wrong, Bill?" Tom asked and he couldn't help jumping just slightly, since he'd been concentrating so hard on trying not to take any notice of his twin.
He looked up at Tom rather nervously, not sure what his reaction would be if he faced Tom full on. Tom frowned at him almost immediately and reached out carefully towards him, He was so busy trying not to fixate totally on Tom's neck that he didn't even react. Because he had lost so much weight in captivity he became cold very easily and the first few days the hospital had kept the room very warm, but now they were taking the temperature down to more normal levels and hence he was wearing more layers than normal, and he had used the excuse to keep his little black hat on. Tom gently pulled it off, letting his hair fall free.
"Bill," Tom said almost immediately, "why didn't you tell me?"
Bill knew his hair would have many more pale streaks than usual; it was one of the first signs of a real need to feed rather than just wanting to. He let his head drop as he realised that he was backed into a corner now.
"Billi," Tom said in a very gentle voice, "please tell me what's wrong. Why didn't you let me know you were hungry?"
He looked up through his fringe, barely daring to look Tom in the eye; he felt so ashamed that this need was eating him up inside.
"I don't want to hurt you," he said quietly.
"Hurt me?" Tom asked and sounded distinctly confused. "Bill, you would never hurt me."
Now it was Bill's turn to be confused.
"But you don't like it," he said, deciding that they just had different definitions of hurt at the moment.
Tom took his hand.
"What makes you say that?" Tom asked and Bill looked up a little more as his twin's tone comforted him a little.
He searched Tom's face for a little while, trying to work out if Tom was just hiding the truth. They hadn't been able to lie to each other ever, but they had perfected the art of omitting certain things if necessary and he was sure Tom would definitely omit things for him at the moment if Tom thought he couldn't cope with it.
"You didn't want to talk about it when Syb brought it up," he said in a quiet voice.
Tom shut his eyes and looked so sad for a moment that Bill reached out to touch his twin's face.
"Oh Bill, I'm so sorry," Tom said, eyes opening again, "I didn't mean to make you feel like that. I was being an idiot."
Bill didn't understand; not wanting to do something you found unpleasant wasn't being an idiot. He opened his mouth to reply, but he was a little slower than Tom.
"I was embarrassed," Tom said, which surprised Bill somewhat.
"Why?" he asked.
"Because of the way I reacted last time," Tom said, cheeks turning a little pink. "It wasn't unpleasant, Bill, it was the opposite and I reacted to the pleasure. When you bite me it's the most incredible feeling."
Bill didn't know what to say; it was difficult to know how to respond to news like that, so he just sat there.
"Look," Tom said before he could remotely come up with something to say, "let's forget that we've both been idiots, okay. You need to feed and I'm more than ready to let you, so I'll go and lock the door and then we can sort out how we're going to do this. Is that okay with you?"
Bill nodded; he still didn't quite know what to think, but he could not argue with his needs anymore. As he watched, Tom hopped off the bed, walked over to the door and flicked the latch on it. When his twin came back, he began to feel very nervous.
"You look like you're about to take a hideous exam or something," Tom said with a little smile, sitting back down beside him.
"I'm not sure what to do," Bill admitted, since he was suddenly sure he was going to mess this up somehow.
"Then I think you're over thinking it," Tom told him; "you know what you need, Bill. Go with the flow and let it happen."
Bill didn't feel anywhere near as confident as Tom sounded, but he did know what he was feeling and his eyes found the pulsing blood vessel at Tom's throat incredibly interesting.
"Bill, you won't hurt me," Tom said in a very knowledgeable tone, "now stop hurting yourself."
He looked into Tom's eyes and knew instantly that his twin was completely sincere and it was almost like flicking a switch. There were tiny prickling sensations in his gums, like the faintest static shock, and it felt incredibly bizarre as his teeth moved. What was even more bizarre was that it didn't hurt in the slightest, it was just really weird and he couldn't resist running his tongue over one of the sleek fangs that had descended from his upper jaw. Things in the room seemed to have far more detail all of a sudden and when he let his eyes sweep over Tom, he found that he couldn't drag his eyes away again.
He knew Tom was beautiful; it was a given fact that he had never really thought about. People called him beautiful all the time, but Tom was as well; they had the same bone structure, he was just a little more feminine than Tom. Yet now, Tom was captivating and his eyes danced over every detail of his twin's face, slipping down over the broad, muscled shoulders and taking in everything that was Tom.
"Bill," Tom's voice made him smile; he couldn't help it, "are you okay?"
"Hmmm," he replied, nodding and slowly kneeling up on the bed and moving closer to his twin.
He could smell Tom's deodorant and the light hint of their mother's fabric softener, and under that there was the musky, male scent of Tom himself. He'd never really thought how Tom smelt before, not consciously, and he realised that Tom's smell comforted him and called to him and made him feel something that his mind just skipped over.
Leaning forward, he let his nose linger at the crook of Tom's neck and he breathed in, enjoying the moment for the pure hedonistic pleasure that it was. He didn't question why he wanted to do it or even what he was doing, he was far too wrapped up in actually doing it and on impulse he darted his tongue out and touched it to Tom's offered neck. Instantly his senses sparked with recognition and need and he saw Tom shudder.
A tiny voice in the back of his mind wondered why Tom reacted like that, but most of him didn't care as his instincts spoke far louder than logic. Without really thinking what he was doing, he pushed Tom backwards onto the bed, coming to rest half laying on his twin. He could hear Tom's pulse; the steady beating of his twin's heart and it called to him like a Siren. Opening his mouth, he moved in as close as possible and bit down, almost delicately, on Tom's flesh.
Almost instantly blood hit his tongue and it was the most wonderful taste and flowed into his mouth like warm velvet. Every cell in his body seemed to come alive at the same time as he tasted Tom and felt his twin become part of him. The pleasure was so intense he had to share it and he opened himself to Tom, giving back everything he could as the perfect moment seemed to go on for eons. It was as if time had slowed down to an infinitely slow crawl as the wonderful nectar flowed into him. Swallowing seemed to take an age of time as universes of feeling were created and destroyed in the wake of the energy that came with the blood.
Bill hardly knew what he was doing as he was completely consumed by the experience of feeding from Tom. It felt perfectly right and for all he cared it could have gone on forever, but it didn't. Just as his instincts had led him into the experience, so they led him out and he found himself drawing back and sucking and licking on the small wounds he had created. He became aware of more than the existential, and the fact that Tom was making small breathy sounds and holding onto him tightly made it into his head. Again he felt something, something that his conscious mind skidded away from as if he wasn't allowed to know it yet and he slowly pushed himself away from Tom, sitting up and blinking as his brain tried to adjust back to normal reality.
He felt content and sated and very, very awake, if somewhat dazed, but there was one thing he had to be sure of.
"Tom," he said quietly, looking down at his brother where Tom was just lying there, "are you okay?"
Tom held up one finger.
"'n minute," Tom mumbled and did not open his eyes.
Tom didn't look distressed or anything like that, in fact Tom looked how Bill felt, apart from the awake bit, but Bill was not feeling overly secure just at the moment and he had to be sure.
"Tom," he tried again.
Now his twin cracked open an eye and peered at him.
"I'm fine," Tom told him and slowly cracked a smile, "I'm better than fine. God, that's almost better than sex."
Bill couldn't help it as he felt his cheeks beginning to heat up.
"Tom," he said and swiped his brother on the arm.
Tom just grinned at him and slowly sat up.
"Sorry, Bill," Tom said with a laugh, "but I didn't want you getting the wrong idea again. Next time, no hiding and then I promise not to tease you."
Bill let his head drop as he blushed some more, but he did nod and smiled just a little. At least he knew Tom did enjoy this now.
End of Ch 4
On to Next Part
Author: Beren
Fandom: Tokio Hotel RPS
Pairing(s): Bill/Tom, Bill/OMC (reported, non-con)
Rating: NC17/18
Warnings: rape (non-graphic), twincest, vampires
Summary: There are things that many people do not see and are never supposed to see, but when one of these takes Bill from his hotel room, by force, everything changes for him and Tom.
Links:
Prologue | Ch 01 | Ch 02 | Ch 03 | Ch 04
| Ch 05 | Ch 06 | Ch 07 | Ch 08 | Ch 09
| Ch 10 | Ch 11 | Ch 12 | Ch 13 | Ch 14
| Ch 15 | Ch 16 | Ch 17 | Ch 18 | Ch 19 | Ch 20
Full Chapter Listing (with chapter descriptions)
Chapter 4 Others
Bill had flaked out after about fifteen minutes with the gummy worms and Tom had taken the opportunity to ring his mother and ask her to bring Gordon as well for the visit. In the end Bill had been so deeply asleep that Tom couldn't wake him, so, when their mother and stepfather arrived, Bill was still eating breakfast. Having slept, Bill had a lot more energy than Tom had seen in him all the time he had been at the hospital. There was no where near the usual exuberance Bill normally had, but it was so different it amazed him.
The knock on the door came just as Bill had taken a huge bite of a piece of toast and Tom watched his twin carefully to gauge his reaction.
"Mum," Bill said, seemingly forgetting his mouth was almost full and looking at the closed door.
It was only then that Bill appeared kind of nervous.
"I'll go and let them in," Tom said, patting him on the arm.
He had been sitting on the end of the bed while Bill ate his food. The hospital was providing him with food as well, but he had eaten quickly, because he knew it was likely that their parents would arrive in the middle of breakfast. Tom saw Bill pick up a pillow and hug it to his front as he opened the door.
"Hi, Mum," he greeted with a smile and hug as his mother came through the door.
Gordon gave him a fatherly pat on the back and then he closed the door as his parents walked into the room. It was a little awkward as they came to a halt once they realised Bill was looking at them.
"Hello, Mama," Bill said very quietly and Tom heard his mother give a little gasp.
He waited then, not sure what was going to happen next. Very slowly Bill put down the pillow and moved to the edge of the bed. It was the furthest Bill had moved voluntarily and by himself since the kidnapping and Tom found himself holding his breath. He watched as their mother slowly walked towards Bill and Bill took a couple of hesitant steps in return. They stood a foot or so apart for what seemed like ages and then finally Bill moved.
"Oh, Bill," their mum said as Bill wrapped his arms around her and she responded in kind.
For a moment Tom felt like crying as he saw Bill reconnect with someone other than him, but he caught himself quickly. Instead he walked back up to the bed and sat down.
"Finish your breakfast," he said in a no nonsense tone when Bill and his mother finally broke apart and the rebellious look that Bill sent him made him grin broadly. "It's getting cold," he added as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
Bill rolled his eyes at that and sat back down; Tom knew his twin could be obstinate, but even though he pouted, Bill did go back to his piece of toast.
Gordon didn't really seem to know what to do with himself, but went to sit down when Simone took him by the hand and led him to the two chairs that were set up for them.
"You're looking so much better, Bill," their mum said with a smile as she sat down, "how are you feeling."
"Strange," Bill admitted around his food, "but better; Syb is helping me sort my head out."
"Syb?" their mum asked. "Who is Syb?"
Bill smiled as if he was about to tell his mother about his best friend in school and Tom realised he should have spoken to Bill about that before their parents arrived.
"Syb's a S..."
"Specialist," Tom interrupted as smoothly as he could, hoping that it would not upset his twin; "the one Dr Brucker mentioned yesterday, she's been coming at night because that was when Bill has been most with it. She asked if you could come back this evening so she could speak with you, since she's an expert on Bill's condition."
Looking at Bill, Tom knew this was going to be bad, he could see it and he moved to Bill's side straight away. Bill went from buoyant and cheerful to anxious and distressed in a heartbeat.
"They don't know," Bill whispered in a voice Tom was sure only he could hear, "Tomi, they don't know. They might ... they might ..."
"Ssh," Tom said, stroking the hair back from Bill's face and making his twin look him in the eye, "this is Mum and Gordon, they won't anything."
"But they don't know," Bill said, clearly close to tears.
"My Bill," he said firmly, "remember; you're always my Bill and you're Mum's Bill and Gordon's Bill too, no matter what."
Bill was falling to pieces again, all the seeming togetherness gone as the crisis reared its head and Tom just climbed back onto the bed, pulled Bill to him and let it happen. He couldn't keep Bill in one piece, but he could hold the shards together until Bill could do it himself. With Bill's face buried in his shoulder he looked up at his confused and worried parents.
"Not you," he mouthed at them and gently cradled Bill as his twin shook silently in his arms.
In the end, when it became obvious Bill was staying put, he went back to the technique he had been using before and spoke to his parents as if everything was normal, holding Bill to him and hoping that his twin would react sooner or later. Eventually Bill did pull away from him, but Bill was quiet and withdrawn almost to the same extent as he had been before. Coaxing any words out of him was incredibly hard, but Tom managed it a few times as the day wore on.
====
Bill was still subdued by the time Sybil arrived.
"Good evening, Gentlemen," Sybil greeted as she came into the room.
"Hi, Syb," Tom said and tried to present a more cheerful front than he was feeling; Sybil had asked both of them to feel free to use the shortening of her name and so he decided then was a good time to start.
After seeing such a difference in Bill that morning, having his twin set back so much in such a short time was weighing heavily on him. It was like living on a yoyo.
Bill was sitting in the middle of the bed, cross legged, staring down at his hands and barely even glanced up when Sybil entered the room. As Tom watched, Sybil walked over to where Bill was and sat down, reaching out in an almost motherly gesture and tucking a stray lock of Bill's hair behind his ear for him; clearly Bill brought out that instinct in many people. Bill didn't move.
"I can feel your fear, Bill," Sybil said gently, "you should not be keeping it inside."
Sybil looked over at Tom and beckoned him forward with her eyes. He walked over and sat down on the bed beside Bill.
"I need you to tell us why you are afraid, Bill," Sybil said in a firm, but kind tone, "you must not bottle it up inside or it will undo all I am helping you with."
She reached out and lifted Bill's chin and Tom just wanted to gather Bill back into his arms and take the pain away, but he knew he couldn't.
"I don't want them to know," Bill said in a voice that clawed at Tom's heart. "I thought they knew, but they didn't and I don't want them to know."
Tom slipped his fingers between Bill's and squeezed his twin's hand in silent support.
"It's too late, Bill," Sybil replied and surprised him as much as she clearly surprised Bill, "I have already spoken to them and they needed to know."
"What?" Tom couldn't help himself; that hadn't been the plan.
Sybil turned her wise gaze onto him and he found himself shutting up before he could protest further.
"I called them this afternoon and asked them to come in earlier than they had arranged with you," Sybil explained calmly. "Most people do not even suspect we really exist; it is a shock to the system and people in shock do not react normally. I did not want Bill exposed to that in his delicate condition so I spoke to your parents without you present."
Bill looked completely terrified.
"What happened?" it was a desperate question.
"Your mother cried," Sybil said, speaking in a very gentle tone, "and your stepfather comforted her. Then they both asked to see you as soon as possible."
Bill didn't look like he was sure this was true, which was so very sad, because once Bill would have had complete faith in their mother.
"Markus is talking to them now, reassuring them as only he can," Syb continued. "He will bring them along shortly."
Tom sat down on the bed and pulled Bill against him in a quick hug.
"Everything will be fine," he promised, rubbing Bill's arm gently, knowing that his touch soothed Bill in a way nothing else could.
Bill turned and looked at him and still didn't seem to believe.
"This is Mum and Gordon," he tried again; "the parents who let us go out and be rock stars. This is nothing compared to that."
It was supposed to be a little joke and he smiled at Bill, trying to make him see that everything would be okay, and he did get the slightest response back, but only the slightest.
"Mum will probably just ask you to help move all the heavy crap out of the spare room when we get home," he had a last ditch attempt. "You know Gordon's been avoiding it for years."
That actually earned him the tiniest of smiles. At that moment he wanted to kiss Bill so badly it hurt and he only just managed not to. He sat back a little to bring himself under control and then he turned to Syb. It was quite obvious that she knew what he was feeling, even if Bill still appeared completely innocent of it.
"These are for you, Bill," Syb said, reaching into her pocket and pulling out a small plastic case.
Tom leaned over a little, curious as to what Syb was holding.
"Contacts?" he asked as Bill took the offered gift.
Syb smiled and nodded.
"They make a vampire's life far easier," Syb replied and Tom watched Bill examining the case carefully and slowly opening it. "They will do the same job as dark glasses, but less visibly to anyone looking. Bill, I think it would be a good idea if you try these soon and get used to them before you leave the hospital. Once you're up and around properly we'll have to organise a trip to an optician to have some custom made just for you; they'll be more comfortable that way, but these will help you get started."
Bill put the lid back on the case and looked up.
"Thank you," Bill said in a quiet voice.
It was clear Bill wasn't really thinking much about the lenses and Tom couldn't blame his twin; he would have been scared in Bill's place as well. When Bill's eyes zeroed in on the door and Syb turned to look in the same direction, Tom knew that his parents had to be outside in the hallway. Without asking either of them, Syb stood up and walked to the door. Bill looked ready to bolt when Syb calmly took hold of the door handle and Tom tightened his grip just a little so Bill was flush against him. Right about then Bill needed all the comfort he could get, so Tom was going to make sure he was there to give it. By the time the door was opened and Markus appeared in the doorway, Bill was breathing in little gasps and it was all too clear to Tom that Bill was starting to panic; he had little choice but to do something.
Taking hold of Bill's chin he turned his twin's head so that Bill had to look at him.
"Look into my eyes," he said calmly, but firmly, "don't think about anything else. Just breathe and look at me."
Bill appeared to try, but was obviously having trouble.
"In," Tom said, taking a long deep breath, "out," he continued and demonstrated, "in," Bill just about managed it on the second instruction, "out."
He didn't take any notice of the fact that people were entering the room, he gave his full attention to Bill and hoped that Bill would be able to do the same in turn. It took a few more calm instructions, but eventually Bill was no longer about to hyperventilate and Tom knew they had to face their mum and Gordon.
"There is nothing to worry about," he said in a low whisper.
Bill gave a shaky nod in return.
Finally turning to look, Tom saw their mother hovering at the end of the bed; it was very clear she had been crying, but what had Tom's eyes tearing up even though he blinked them away was the love shining in her red rimmed eyes. He had never had any doubt that their mum would embrace what ever became of her children, but then he had not had every foundation of his character tested and undermined like Bill.
"Billi," their mother said in a hushed voice.
Bill was still looking at him and Bill looked so terribly afraid. Tom gave his twin a little nod of encouragement and very slowly Bill turned. The tension was so thick Tom thought he could almost see it. This time their mother didn't wait for Bill to move, the moment Bill so much as glanced at her, she walked forward and she took hold of Bill's face in her hands.
"I always knew my boys were extraordinary," she said and Tom could hear the tears in her voice, "but I never imagined this much. My poor baby, what did he do to you?"
Then Tom watched his mother lean forward and place a kiss on Bill's forehead before pulling Bill into a close embrace.
"I love you," their mum said, holding out her hand to Tom as she held Bill close, "both of you."
Tom went to his mother then, without the slightest hesitation and wrapped her and Bill in his long arms. Bill's arm snaked around him as well and Bill's grip was almost painful, but that was because it was strong and firm. It felt like an embrace that could last forever.
===
The world was a bit of an up and down place for Bill at the moment. One minute everything was clear and he was happy and content and the next something would frighten him and send him reeling into the abyss of despair from which he could barely escape. The only thing that was constant was Tom; Tom was his rock as his mind lurched between states that he didn't seem to have much control over.
He remembered the last few days more as flashes than real memories and he had moments even now when he didn't remember what had happened, but they were much shorter. Syb had told him that it was the pressure his mind had been put under by his attacker trying to force a bond with him. Parts of his thought processes had shut down in self defence and with Syb's help they were slowly recovering, but sometimes his mind still retreated.
The memory of his captivity was also a mess of feelings and images rather than anything coherent, but bits of proper memory were beginning to come back to him as well. He didn't want to remember, but there was nothing he could do about it, so he tried to push the recollections as far away from his conscious thoughts as he could. Tom helped with that; he could concentrate on Tom when his twin was there and it kept the fears at bay.
He was concentrating on Tom very hard as they waited for today's visitors to arrive. Part of him wanted to see Georg and Gustav, which was why he had asked for them to be allowed to visit, but the rest of him was terrified. Logically he knew they wouldn't hurt him, but men frightened him; they pulled up garbled memories of strong arms holding him down and another body violating his own. He couldn't help it and the idea that he might freak out on his friends was horrible to him.
The fact that he was wearing his own clothes for the first time in a long while made him feel a little better. His mother had brought some in earlier in the day and it felt good to be at least a little in control of his appearance again. A small excursion to the shower down the hall had helped his confidence as well, even though he was absolutely sure he never would have had the courage to step outside his room without Tom right there.
"Oh my god," Georg said as soon as the door opened, "you'd think we were visiting royalty or something."
"At least you got the pretty woman asking you questions," Gustav replied, acting as if it was any other day, "I got the six foot four gorilla with a bad attitude."
Bill didn't quite know how to react, but after a moment he cracked a smile.
"Hi guys," Georg greeted with a grin, "you would not believe the hoops we had to jump through to get in here."
"You'd think you weren't famous or something," Tom said with a laugh.
Bill might have managed to find the courage to say something as well, but at that moment his nose twitched and his eyes zeroed in on a covered something that Gustav was carrying.
"Waffles," he said, before his mind caught up with his sense.
"Glad to see your nose is working okay," Gustav said and pulled the cover off what he was holding with a flourish.
"We come bearing gifts," Georg added and the pair walked further into the room.
"Where on earth did you get waffles?" Tom asked and Bill wanted to know the same thing.
The fact that the waffles were still hot and appeared to be covered in powdered sugar was making Bill's mouth water.
"Gustav sweet talked the manager of the cafeteria downstairs," Georg said with a laugh; "you know how the slightly older ladies think he's the best thing since sliced bread."
"That's because I know words longer than one syllable," Gustav replied and put the tray on the bed.
Gustav then produced four plastic forks and put them on the bed next to the waffles.
"I'd eat them while they're hot if I were you," their drummer said and picked up one of the four cardboard holders containing a waffle before wandering to sit down in one of the chairs.
Much to Bill's pleasure, Tom picked up two of the offerings and handed one to him. It wasn't that he couldn't move; it was just he didn't want to do anything stupid and he still had a few issues with men. It wasn't logical, but it took him a while to get used to people, even if he had known them forever.
"Thank you," he said, remembering his manners after the wonderful flavour of the first bite brought his mouth alive.
"I think we may need the name of your contact," Tom said with a conspiratorial wiggle of his eyebrows.
"Hmmm," Bill agreed happily around his next mouthful. "Oh, and thank you for the gummi worms, Georg," he added as the thought came to him.
"Well we couldn't let you starve on hospital food, now could we," Georg replied and successfully managed to tip icing sugar all down his black t-shirt.
That made Bill giggle and he realised he was having trouble remembering why he had been nervous in the first place.
====
Bill was restless and agitated and he knew exactly why, but he didn't quite know how to go about getting what he needed. He was hungry, and not for food, and he had been most of the day. He had thought he had the whole idea of feeding sorted out in his head, but now faced with it, he clearly didn't. The problem was it seemed so alien to have to ask Tom to help him. He knew he had bitten Tom before, but it was all a jumble in his head that just didn't make any sense. He couldn't tell what was dream and what was reality from that time.
Tom had seemed somewhat reluctant to go into details about what it had been like for him and Bill could only assume that it had been unpleasant. Asking Tom for anything unpleasant after how much Tom had already done for him was something he only wanted to do if he really had to. The problem was that the longer he waited the more fixated he was becoming on Tom.
It hadn't been long since his whole world had been Tom, but it had been just long enough that his fixation was worrying. He gnawed nervously on the end of his thumb as Tom watched a TV show that Bill had long since given up trying to watch as well.
"What's wrong, Bill?" Tom asked and he couldn't help jumping just slightly, since he'd been concentrating so hard on trying not to take any notice of his twin.
He looked up at Tom rather nervously, not sure what his reaction would be if he faced Tom full on. Tom frowned at him almost immediately and reached out carefully towards him, He was so busy trying not to fixate totally on Tom's neck that he didn't even react. Because he had lost so much weight in captivity he became cold very easily and the first few days the hospital had kept the room very warm, but now they were taking the temperature down to more normal levels and hence he was wearing more layers than normal, and he had used the excuse to keep his little black hat on. Tom gently pulled it off, letting his hair fall free.
"Bill," Tom said almost immediately, "why didn't you tell me?"
Bill knew his hair would have many more pale streaks than usual; it was one of the first signs of a real need to feed rather than just wanting to. He let his head drop as he realised that he was backed into a corner now.
"Billi," Tom said in a very gentle voice, "please tell me what's wrong. Why didn't you let me know you were hungry?"
He looked up through his fringe, barely daring to look Tom in the eye; he felt so ashamed that this need was eating him up inside.
"I don't want to hurt you," he said quietly.
"Hurt me?" Tom asked and sounded distinctly confused. "Bill, you would never hurt me."
Now it was Bill's turn to be confused.
"But you don't like it," he said, deciding that they just had different definitions of hurt at the moment.
Tom took his hand.
"What makes you say that?" Tom asked and Bill looked up a little more as his twin's tone comforted him a little.
He searched Tom's face for a little while, trying to work out if Tom was just hiding the truth. They hadn't been able to lie to each other ever, but they had perfected the art of omitting certain things if necessary and he was sure Tom would definitely omit things for him at the moment if Tom thought he couldn't cope with it.
"You didn't want to talk about it when Syb brought it up," he said in a quiet voice.
Tom shut his eyes and looked so sad for a moment that Bill reached out to touch his twin's face.
"Oh Bill, I'm so sorry," Tom said, eyes opening again, "I didn't mean to make you feel like that. I was being an idiot."
Bill didn't understand; not wanting to do something you found unpleasant wasn't being an idiot. He opened his mouth to reply, but he was a little slower than Tom.
"I was embarrassed," Tom said, which surprised Bill somewhat.
"Why?" he asked.
"Because of the way I reacted last time," Tom said, cheeks turning a little pink. "It wasn't unpleasant, Bill, it was the opposite and I reacted to the pleasure. When you bite me it's the most incredible feeling."
Bill didn't know what to say; it was difficult to know how to respond to news like that, so he just sat there.
"Look," Tom said before he could remotely come up with something to say, "let's forget that we've both been idiots, okay. You need to feed and I'm more than ready to let you, so I'll go and lock the door and then we can sort out how we're going to do this. Is that okay with you?"
Bill nodded; he still didn't quite know what to think, but he could not argue with his needs anymore. As he watched, Tom hopped off the bed, walked over to the door and flicked the latch on it. When his twin came back, he began to feel very nervous.
"You look like you're about to take a hideous exam or something," Tom said with a little smile, sitting back down beside him.
"I'm not sure what to do," Bill admitted, since he was suddenly sure he was going to mess this up somehow.
"Then I think you're over thinking it," Tom told him; "you know what you need, Bill. Go with the flow and let it happen."
Bill didn't feel anywhere near as confident as Tom sounded, but he did know what he was feeling and his eyes found the pulsing blood vessel at Tom's throat incredibly interesting.
"Bill, you won't hurt me," Tom said in a very knowledgeable tone, "now stop hurting yourself."
He looked into Tom's eyes and knew instantly that his twin was completely sincere and it was almost like flicking a switch. There were tiny prickling sensations in his gums, like the faintest static shock, and it felt incredibly bizarre as his teeth moved. What was even more bizarre was that it didn't hurt in the slightest, it was just really weird and he couldn't resist running his tongue over one of the sleek fangs that had descended from his upper jaw. Things in the room seemed to have far more detail all of a sudden and when he let his eyes sweep over Tom, he found that he couldn't drag his eyes away again.
He knew Tom was beautiful; it was a given fact that he had never really thought about. People called him beautiful all the time, but Tom was as well; they had the same bone structure, he was just a little more feminine than Tom. Yet now, Tom was captivating and his eyes danced over every detail of his twin's face, slipping down over the broad, muscled shoulders and taking in everything that was Tom.
"Bill," Tom's voice made him smile; he couldn't help it, "are you okay?"
"Hmmm," he replied, nodding and slowly kneeling up on the bed and moving closer to his twin.
He could smell Tom's deodorant and the light hint of their mother's fabric softener, and under that there was the musky, male scent of Tom himself. He'd never really thought how Tom smelt before, not consciously, and he realised that Tom's smell comforted him and called to him and made him feel something that his mind just skipped over.
Leaning forward, he let his nose linger at the crook of Tom's neck and he breathed in, enjoying the moment for the pure hedonistic pleasure that it was. He didn't question why he wanted to do it or even what he was doing, he was far too wrapped up in actually doing it and on impulse he darted his tongue out and touched it to Tom's offered neck. Instantly his senses sparked with recognition and need and he saw Tom shudder.
A tiny voice in the back of his mind wondered why Tom reacted like that, but most of him didn't care as his instincts spoke far louder than logic. Without really thinking what he was doing, he pushed Tom backwards onto the bed, coming to rest half laying on his twin. He could hear Tom's pulse; the steady beating of his twin's heart and it called to him like a Siren. Opening his mouth, he moved in as close as possible and bit down, almost delicately, on Tom's flesh.
Almost instantly blood hit his tongue and it was the most wonderful taste and flowed into his mouth like warm velvet. Every cell in his body seemed to come alive at the same time as he tasted Tom and felt his twin become part of him. The pleasure was so intense he had to share it and he opened himself to Tom, giving back everything he could as the perfect moment seemed to go on for eons. It was as if time had slowed down to an infinitely slow crawl as the wonderful nectar flowed into him. Swallowing seemed to take an age of time as universes of feeling were created and destroyed in the wake of the energy that came with the blood.
Bill hardly knew what he was doing as he was completely consumed by the experience of feeding from Tom. It felt perfectly right and for all he cared it could have gone on forever, but it didn't. Just as his instincts had led him into the experience, so they led him out and he found himself drawing back and sucking and licking on the small wounds he had created. He became aware of more than the existential, and the fact that Tom was making small breathy sounds and holding onto him tightly made it into his head. Again he felt something, something that his conscious mind skidded away from as if he wasn't allowed to know it yet and he slowly pushed himself away from Tom, sitting up and blinking as his brain tried to adjust back to normal reality.
He felt content and sated and very, very awake, if somewhat dazed, but there was one thing he had to be sure of.
"Tom," he said quietly, looking down at his brother where Tom was just lying there, "are you okay?"
Tom held up one finger.
"'n minute," Tom mumbled and did not open his eyes.
Tom didn't look distressed or anything like that, in fact Tom looked how Bill felt, apart from the awake bit, but Bill was not feeling overly secure just at the moment and he had to be sure.
"Tom," he tried again.
Now his twin cracked open an eye and peered at him.
"I'm fine," Tom told him and slowly cracked a smile, "I'm better than fine. God, that's almost better than sex."
Bill couldn't help it as he felt his cheeks beginning to heat up.
"Tom," he said and swiped his brother on the arm.
Tom just grinned at him and slowly sat up.
"Sorry, Bill," Tom said with a laugh, "but I didn't want you getting the wrong idea again. Next time, no hiding and then I promise not to tease you."
Bill let his head drop as he blushed some more, but he did nod and smiled just a little. At least he knew Tom did enjoy this now.
End of Ch 4
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