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beren_writesTitle: Out With the Old, In With the New 01/20
Author: Beren
Fandom: Tokio Hotel RPS
Pairing(s): Bill/Tom, Bill/OMC (reported, non-con)
Rating: NC17/18
Warnings: rape (non-graphic), twincest, vampires
Summary: There are things that many people do not see and are never supposed to see, but when one of these takes Bill from his hotel room, by force, everything changes for him and Tom.
Links:
Prologue | Ch 01 | Ch 02 | Ch 03 | Ch 04
| Ch 05 | Ch 06 | Ch 07 | Ch 08 | Ch 09
| Ch 10 | Ch 11 | Ch 12 | Ch 13 | Ch 14
| Ch 15 | Ch 16 | Ch 17 | Ch 18 | Ch 19 | Ch 20
Full Chapter Listing (with chapter descriptions)
Not Dead
He didn't want to wake up; with consciousness came pain and humiliation and he had been so sure the last time that when he passed out he would never wake up again. He had been dying, he had just known it, and it had been so sweet, but someone must have dragged him back from the jaws of death. For a while he just lay there waiting for the hands to touch him, to drag him to where they wanted him to be. He knew they would know he was awake, they always did no matter how still he tried to stay and it was just a matter of time.
When the violating touches did not come, he slowly opened his eyes. The fact that he was cold and not lying on soft sheets had not really made it into his mind as he huddled in dread, but now it did. It took his befuddled mind a long time to realise he was not in the room he had come to know as his prison; in fact he was outside. He was lying on a plastic sheet on uneven ground and his hands were bound and attached to a post. Looking around, he could see old warehouses a short way away and the sky on the horizon was just beginning to lighten.
It all confused him more; he didn't understand what was happening. His mind was so mixed up that all he knew was what was supposed to be happening, no matter how unpleasant, and this wasn't it. He was still naked, that much hadn't changed, but everything else was different. Afraid that at any moment it might turn out to be untrue, he moved slowly, lifting his head and doing his best to bring an elbow under him so he could partially sit up. He had given up moving of his own volition days ago and it was difficult; he was weak and every move increased the ache that seemed to permeate every cell.
It was as he managed to half sit himself up that he realised he was not alone. There was a girl lying behind him, a girl with completely white hair and pale skin, as naked as he was, also bound to the pole. She still appeared to be unconscious and he didn't remember her at all, but she was clearly a prisoner like he was.
Nothing was making any sense; he didn't know why he was there or what was going to happen next. The sky was lightening and it was beginning to hurt his eyes, but he barely had the strength to remain where he was, let alone free himself from the ropes on his wrists. As the dawn approached, it was almost as if the light was taking away even more of his strength and his body began to feel heavier and heavier.
As the first rays of sun began to creep over the ground, his companion moved. She woke with a start, sitting up almost instantly and not quite managing it where her arms were tied. Her eyes were bright red and staring and she gave him only the briefest glance before squinting at the growing sun. He saw fear flood through her features and she began pulling frantically at her bonds. Her efforts were strong; she was clearly not as debilitated as he was, but she seemed frenzied and the ropes were not giving.
The sun touched her foot first, flowing in as the rays broke over the horizon and she screamed. Smoke rose from her skin and she pulled her legs up as he watched, totally fascinated and horrified by what he was seeing. Images flashed through his mind, memories of fangs and blood and he tried to shy away as they became momentarily real to him. He knew what was happening now and all he could think of was that at least it would be over.
Because of the buildings, he was further in shadow and it took longer for the sun to reach him and he watched the light creep across the earth until it finally touched his naked skin. It was warm, very warm, almost uncomfortably so, but he didn't burn, not like the girl did when she could move away no further. Smoke rose from her flesh and her skin turned black as she screamed, sounding more like an animal than a human being.
His skin turned pink as the light crept over him, but there was no smoke and it filled him with despair. If he had burned it would have been over, but he wasn't allowed that mercy and as his companion writhed and struggled and screamed he curled in on himself, trying to shut it out, to make it go away. The screaming went on for minutes, but it wasn't really a relief when it stopped, because then all he had were the thoughts in his head. He pushed them away, sinking as far from reality as he could, but when someone touched his shoulder he still cried out and tried to move away.
====
Tom was out of the car so fast that no one could keep up with him. When the call had come that Bill had been found and was still alive he had almost passed out as the knot inside him had released.
Three weeks he had been waiting; three weeks with no information from the police, no sign of Bill and it had almost killed him. The previous night he had woken up screaming, the worst feeling he had ever felt welling up in his chest and he had been almost sure Bill was dead. It had been the most terrible night of his life and the phone call that day had been like a reprieve for a condemned man. He had spent every day just waiting for news and the fact that Bill was alive was all he cared about.
For the first time in about a week he had actually had the energy to throw on some clean clothes and step outside the house. Nothing mattered more to him the reaching Bill and he was barely taking any notice of anyone else. Because of the media attention David and Saki were there to deal with anything that needed their intervention and Tom knew his mum and Gordon were on his heels as well as he shot into the hospital.
He didn't even need to go up to the desk and ask; the hospital must have arranged to have someone waiting for them, because the moment he stepped inside he was intercepted by a young woman in a suit.
"Hello, my name is Gabrielle," the woman introduced herself, "the director asked me to meet you. If you need anything while you are here, please ask for me. If you would like to come this way."
Tom wasn't about to argue and he didn't have the mental capacity for pleasantries at the moment, so he simply nodded.
"Thank you," he heard his mother say, but he was completely focused on reaching Bill.
When they were led into a small room, Tom was pleased to be out of the main hospital area, but there was one definite thing missing; Bill wasn't there and Gabrielle was gone before he could ask her anything.
"Good evening," a woman in a white coat said as soon as the door closed.
"Where's Bill?" Tom interrupted, since there was only one thing he cared about.
"In a private room just down the corridor," the woman said as if she had been expecting his reaction, "and I will be very happy to take you to him shortly. I'm Doctor Brucker; I've been looking after Bill since just after he was brought in. I asked the staff to show you in here first so I could explain a few things."
He didn't like the sound of that, but Dr Brucker looked sincere, so he just about managed to hold himself still. He wanted to see Bill and he wanted to see him right then and he could barely contain the need.
"Please could you just tell us so I can see my son," his mother said in as calm a voice as anyone was capable of.
She placed a gentle hand on his arm and he was sure she knew what he was thinking.
"Of course, I'm sorry to have had to delay you. Firstly, I would advise that as few men as possible go in to begin with," Dr Brucker explained and Tom felt himself going cold; "until we're sure Bill recognises you. He reacted very badly to the first male doctor who tried to examine him and all subsequent male members of staff, which is why I was called in. We have kept any male contact to a bare minimum. He's very severely traumatised and we've had to restrain him for his own safety. Before we did that, we found him under the bed twice and we don't want him to hurt himself."
Tom had to take a long deep breath and use every ounce of self control he possessed not to lash out. Someone had hurt Bill and that made him more angry than he could possibly explain.
"What did they do to my little boy?" his mother asked in a very tight, brittle voice.
"There were signs of prolonged sexual abuse," Dr Brucker said and Tom just wanted to punch her sympathetic features, mostly because she was the only target in range. "We're awaiting toxicology results to see if he was exposed to any substances, but given his somewhat unique physical state, we believe he might have been."
"Unique, unique how?" Tom asked, needing some outlet for his anger and channelling it into words seemed like a good idea.
"Your brother was found at dawn this morning," Dr Brucker said which made Tom open his mouth, but the doctor held up her hand as if she knew what he was going to say, "you were not notified until two hours ago because he was not identified until then."
Tom wanted to know why the hell not since Bill was one of the best known faces in Germany, but he held his tongue.
"When he was brought in, Bill's blood pressure and other vital signs were virtually non-existent," Dr Brucker explained, "and stabilising him was our first priority. Even so, had he been as he is now, someone would have recognised him, but when Bill arrived here he was classed as an albino because he looked like this."
The doctor passed over a Polaroid photograph and Tom leant in as his mother took it. All his anger melted away as he saw what Bill looked like, even he could barely recognise his twin. Bill's hair had no colour at all, it was pure white and Bill's skin was so pale it was almost translucent.
"What you can't see in this picture is that his eyes were also red. We began a transfusion straight away," Dr Brucker continued, "and it was shortly after this he woke up. It was also then that his hair began to turn black, his eyes turned brown and several hours later one of the nurses noticed the tattoos."
"But Bill's hair is naturally blond like mine," Tom said, completely confused, "why did it turn black, and how can tattoos disappear and reappear?"
"We don't know," Dr Brucker said honestly, "and we can't explain his condition. We're working on the theory that an unusual chemical reaction caused a skin condition and his symptoms. We're hoping the lab tests we're waiting for will give us more of an idea what happened to him. As soon as we know, we will of course tell you."
Tom just stared at the photo.
"Can we see Bill now, please?" his mother finally said.
The doctor nodded and Tom followed her out of the room as shock sent his thoughts all over the place. What Dr Brucker had described seemed impossible, but the evidence had been right in front of him. He walked down the corridor after the doctor, mind filled with images of what he wanted to do to the person or persons who had caused harm to Bill. It wasn't the healthiest of subjects to dwell on, but it stopped him yelling at anyone and everyone about the injustice of it all.
When they reached a closed door about halfway down the corridor, he put the thoughts aside and tried to mentally prepare himself for seeing Bill.
"Perhaps just you first, Mrs Kaulitz-Trumper?" Dr Brucker suggested and Tom stiffened.
"If Bill will recognise anyone it will be Tom," his mother said before he could respond. "We'll both go in, thank you."
Dr Brucker looked him straight in the eye and he looked right back; he needed to see Bill no matter what any doctor said.
"All right," Dr Brucker said and took hold of the door handle, "but remember that sudden movements are likely to scare him. The lights are down quite low because he seems to be photosensitive."
Tom nodded, more so she would just open the damn door than anything else. The moment it was open, he followed his mother through, fully intent on finding Bill. What he saw made him pause for a moment as the reality sank in.
Bill was lying there staring off to the left with empty eyes and Tom felt the almost overwhelming desire to scream very loudly at the world for reducing his twin to this. Bill wrists and ankles were secured in leather padded cuffs and there were two straps across Bill's body. He looked so small and pale in the hospital bed and Tom stepped round his mother where she had frozen just inside the doorway. He needed to reach Bill, it was the only thing in his mind and only Dr Brucker's warning brought him up short beside the bed.
At least Bill looked like Bill now; the staring eyes were light brown and, although some of Bill's hair was white, it looked liked someone had streaked it that way. There was a blood bag attached to Bill's right arm and the slow beeping of a heart monitor was the only sound in the room. It was, at the same time, such a relief and so difficult to see as Tom looked at his twin. For a moment he didn't know what to do, since Bill didn't even seem to know he was there.
"Bill," he finally said in little more than a whisper.
"He..." Dr Brucker began to say, but her voice stopped as Bill actually moved.
Bill's head turned very slowly and Tom could see that his twin was terrified, but he didn't know of what, and so he stayed perfectly still. He stood there as Bill's eyes slowly fixed on him and the fear gradually dissolved into confusion. The frown was almost worse that the terror; Bill looked as if he didn't know what was real.
"I'm here," Tom said quietly, moving a little closer, "I'm here."
It was in that moment that they reconnected; Tom saw recognition in Bill and it felt like life had suddenly started again. Bill tried to reach for him and came up short against the restraints and the distressed noise Bill made was almost too much for Tom. He didn't think about anything else, all that he cared about was Bill and he reached for the nearest buckle.
Bill was pulling against the restraints, but somehow Tom managed to get them undone and then he had an arm full of sobbing, clinging Bill. The IV went flying and crashed to the floor, but that was completely irrelevant and Tom cradled his sobbing twin in his arms, holding Bill as tightly as he dared.
"It's okay," he said, stoking Bill's hair and automatically rocking gently where he stood, "I've got you."
If he ever got his hands on the person who had done this to his little brother there wouldn't be enough of them left in one piece to fill a small bucket.
====
They'd had to lower the metal bars on the side of the bed so that Tom could sit down, because Bill wouldn't let go of him. Just getting Bill to loosen his hold long enough for that had been difficult, but Tom had ended up propped up against the pillows with his twin still in his arms. It didn't even remotely occur to Tom to let go and he knew he needed this as much as Bill did.
He'd been sitting there for nearly an hour already and Bill's face was buried in his shoulder. With his help the nurses had set the blood bag back up, but all Bill seemed to care about was hanging on. The crying had stopped after about fifteen minutes, but Tom had continued to gently stroke Bill's hair and whisper comforting words. Bill didn't seem to notice anyone else, not even their mother, but he had flinched away when she tried to touch him. Contact with anyone but Tom seemed to upset him, so Tom was taking his position as bodyguard very seriously.
His mother had spoken to the police, but there were no details about the investigation forthcoming and it was more frustrating than anything. Part of him wanted to know what the police were doing and when they were going to catch the person responsible for hurting his little brother, but the rest of him was just so completely relieved to have Bill back that he couldn't think about anything else.
Looking down, he tucked a stray piece of hair behind Bill's ear and studied his twin's face for a little while. He wasn't sure if Bill was asleep or just lying there with his eyes closed, since Bill had always been very good at pretending to be asleep when he wasn't, but it didn't make a huge amount of difference really. He was going to look after Bill now and he could do that no matter Bill's consciousness level.
"You look almost peaceful together," his mum said quietly, from where she was sitting next to the bed; "I haven't seen you like this since you were small. When you were little I used to find you curled up together all over the house."
Tom gave a small smile at that, because it was easier to remember the past than it was to face the present. He and Bill had been inseparable for a large percentage of their lives; they still were for many things and he remembered those times fondly.
"Remember when we hid in the airing cupboard and said we were running away?" he asked, recalling how they had built a nest of towels in the bottom of the cupboard in question.
His mother smiled at that as well.
"How could I forget?" she replied, eyes suspiciously bright as she looked at him and Bill. "I had told Bill off for going into the fridge for strawberries and you weren't having any of it. That cupboard smelled of strawberries for years."
"Well I asked him to get me a strawberry," Tom confessed for the first time ever; it had always been his and Bill's secret, "so I couldn't let you punish him. We had our own little kingdom for a few hours there."
It had been a grand adventure that day.
"How long did it really take you to find us?" he asked, going over what he could recall in his head.
"About ten minutes," his mother confessed with a smile, "but I decided to let you come out on your own. Of course you out-waited me and I had to pretend to find you."
Tom felt a lump forming in his throat.
"I wish I could have found Bill in ten minutes," he said, as the guilt rose up to claim him.
He just about kept the tears back, but it was a very close thing.
"Oh, Sweetheart," his mother said, reaching out and taking the hand that wasn't wrapped around Bill, "none of this is your fault. Just be glad we have him back now."
"I am," he replied, his voice cracking, "but I should have followed my instincts; I knew something wasn't right, I never should have left him."
His mother's face hardened a little and her grip became very firm.
"Stop blaming yourself, Tom," she said in a no-nonsense tone; "blame isn't going to help you or Bill or me. We will get through this together, like we always do and that is the end of it. Am I understood, Young Man?"
Tom found himself smiling despite what he was feeling; their mother had never been very good at the stern thing. Order had always been kept in the household by underlying respect and the dread of upsetting their mother, very rarely by shouting, and so their mum was far better at the 'I'm disappointed in you' expression than her current one. It did a halfway good job, however, since his mother could always make him realise when he was being an idiot.
"Yes, Mama," he said and tried to believe it himself.
====
Bill held to Tom, needing to feel his twin close. Nothing else made any sense; it was like he was walking through a dream. One minute there would be no one there and the next someone would be looming over him. It scared him and the only thing he had that was constant was Tom. With Tom he felt safe; he knew his twin would hold him and protect him and his muddled mind didn't seem able to lose track of Tom.
When he had first turned and seen this angel in the complete confusion that his reality had become, he had been terrified that it was another trick. So many things he had seen and heard while in captivity had been illusions that had shattered the moment he had tried to touch them and Tom had looked so real, but he hadn’t been able to let himself believe. Only when Tom had spoken to him had he known and that was because Tom's voice cut through everything. Looking into Tom's eyes had been like finding sanctuary in a world that had gone to hell, and he had reached for his twin with everything he had.
Now he could not let go, and it wasn't because he feared Tom would leave him, it was because Tom was his anchor. He could not keep track of anything else and just about everything frightened him; everything except Tom. His courage was gone, beaten out of him, and Tom was the only strength he had left.
When someone gently touched his shoulder, he flinched away, trying to bury himself in Tom's side. Hands were only ever a prelude to something worse and only Tom's were safe.
"It's okay," Tom whispered to him, quietly and gently, "no one is going to hurt you, Bill. I won't let them."
Every fibre of his being trusted Tom, but that didn't stop him being afraid.
"Bill," Tom gently took hold of his chin and urged him to look up.
He didn't want to and he knew Tom wouldn't make him, but Tom seemed to want him to, so he did. Looking into eyes identical to his own, he felt safe, but that didn't stop there being the other presence behind him; the person who had touched his shoulder, and he was afraid to look round.
"Dr Brucker needs to take another blood sample," Tom told him slowly and calmly; "they need to find out what was done to you so they can help you get better."
Bill didn't want anyone else to touch him.
"I know you're afraid, Billi," Tom told him as he almost buried his head again, "but this is important. I won't leave you. They need your arm, the one without the IV in it."
Bill looked down at himself, seeing the tube and bandage in the crook of one arm. His other arm was hidden by Tom's shirt and he didn't want to let go, but if they wanted his arm, he was going to have to turn.
"I won't let you go," Tom promised him while slowly urging him to move.
He let himself be turned, because it was Tom asking him to, but he stared at the bed, not wanting to look up. Tom's arms were still around him, holding him, just as promised, but that didn't mean there weren't frightening things in the world around him.
"Hello, Bill," a woman's voice greeted him, one he thought he had heard before, but it was difficult to remember, "thank you for agreeing. I'm going to take your arm now."
He wanted to pull away when her warm fingers touched his skin, but Tom was rubbing the top of his arm soothingly, so he only moved a little.
"It won't take long," Tom told him quietly, holding him gently and giving him at least that security, "try and concentrate on me."
"This might sting a little," the woman said, but he was trying not to think about her.
He felt the needle go in, but it was noting compared to what he had had to endure at the hands of his captors and he barely reacted at all. Only when he looked down to see the needle and capsule hanging from his arm did anything change. The red of his blood grabbed his whole attention and his muddled neurons began firing instantly.
Bill couldn't take his eyes off the slowly filling container and the sight of the blood sent his mind racing. The hand which was now holding his wrist morphed into another hand with ornate rings and carefully manicured finger nails and where the syringe had been all he could see was two puncture marks. He looked up and saw not the person a tiny part of his mind knew was still standing there, but a man with long bloody fangs and an evil smile.
Fighting never worked, they would just hold him tighter and all he could do was sit there and stare. He began to shake, frozen in his fear.
"Bill," Tom's voice barely made it past the wall of terror that was slowly building in his mind.
It took every ounce of will he had just to make a tiny sound.
"Finish, now!" he heard Tom say, but he was too trapped in his own recollections to know what was happening.
He could barely breathe he was so afraid and it was incredibly difficult to drag air into his lungs. Folding up and hiding was what he wanted to do, but he didn't dare pull away; not from him; it just brought worse later. When the hand released his wrist, he whimpered quietly in relief, but he still couldn't make himself move.
"Bill," he almost couldn't hear Tom speaking to him, but his twin's voice just made it through, "you're safe, Billi. Look at me; I won't let anyone hurt you."
There were hands on his cheeks and he blinked several times as the face of his attacker hovered in front of his eye. It seemed to take an age as Tom continued to talk to him, but finally he blinked one last time and Tom was looking back at him, not the amorphous features of the person who had held him captive. He was so relieved he gave a huge, shuddering gasp and reached for Tom. His twin welcomed him into his arms and he took the comfort for all it was worth, hiding his face from the world and pushing reality as far away as he could.
Everything around him was unpredictable and scary and he would have disappeared into Tom if he could. He could barely tell what was real and what was in his mind and sometimes he totally failed and all he had was Tom. His thoughts seemed to be completely out of his control and all he desperately wanted was to feel safe.
"I've got you," Tom whispered to him, petting his hair and stroking his back, "everything will be okay."
He couldn't speak, but he needed to communicate with Tom and so he held tighter. He knew Tom would understand, Tom had to, it was all he had left.
End of Part 1
On to Next Part
Author: Beren
Fandom: Tokio Hotel RPS
Pairing(s): Bill/Tom, Bill/OMC (reported, non-con)
Rating: NC17/18
Warnings: rape (non-graphic), twincest, vampires
Summary: There are things that many people do not see and are never supposed to see, but when one of these takes Bill from his hotel room, by force, everything changes for him and Tom.
Links:
Prologue | Ch 01 | Ch 02 | Ch 03 | Ch 04
| Ch 05 | Ch 06 | Ch 07 | Ch 08 | Ch 09
| Ch 10 | Ch 11 | Ch 12 | Ch 13 | Ch 14
| Ch 15 | Ch 16 | Ch 17 | Ch 18 | Ch 19 | Ch 20
Full Chapter Listing (with chapter descriptions)
Not Dead
He didn't want to wake up; with consciousness came pain and humiliation and he had been so sure the last time that when he passed out he would never wake up again. He had been dying, he had just known it, and it had been so sweet, but someone must have dragged him back from the jaws of death. For a while he just lay there waiting for the hands to touch him, to drag him to where they wanted him to be. He knew they would know he was awake, they always did no matter how still he tried to stay and it was just a matter of time.
When the violating touches did not come, he slowly opened his eyes. The fact that he was cold and not lying on soft sheets had not really made it into his mind as he huddled in dread, but now it did. It took his befuddled mind a long time to realise he was not in the room he had come to know as his prison; in fact he was outside. He was lying on a plastic sheet on uneven ground and his hands were bound and attached to a post. Looking around, he could see old warehouses a short way away and the sky on the horizon was just beginning to lighten.
It all confused him more; he didn't understand what was happening. His mind was so mixed up that all he knew was what was supposed to be happening, no matter how unpleasant, and this wasn't it. He was still naked, that much hadn't changed, but everything else was different. Afraid that at any moment it might turn out to be untrue, he moved slowly, lifting his head and doing his best to bring an elbow under him so he could partially sit up. He had given up moving of his own volition days ago and it was difficult; he was weak and every move increased the ache that seemed to permeate every cell.
It was as he managed to half sit himself up that he realised he was not alone. There was a girl lying behind him, a girl with completely white hair and pale skin, as naked as he was, also bound to the pole. She still appeared to be unconscious and he didn't remember her at all, but she was clearly a prisoner like he was.
Nothing was making any sense; he didn't know why he was there or what was going to happen next. The sky was lightening and it was beginning to hurt his eyes, but he barely had the strength to remain where he was, let alone free himself from the ropes on his wrists. As the dawn approached, it was almost as if the light was taking away even more of his strength and his body began to feel heavier and heavier.
As the first rays of sun began to creep over the ground, his companion moved. She woke with a start, sitting up almost instantly and not quite managing it where her arms were tied. Her eyes were bright red and staring and she gave him only the briefest glance before squinting at the growing sun. He saw fear flood through her features and she began pulling frantically at her bonds. Her efforts were strong; she was clearly not as debilitated as he was, but she seemed frenzied and the ropes were not giving.
The sun touched her foot first, flowing in as the rays broke over the horizon and she screamed. Smoke rose from her skin and she pulled her legs up as he watched, totally fascinated and horrified by what he was seeing. Images flashed through his mind, memories of fangs and blood and he tried to shy away as they became momentarily real to him. He knew what was happening now and all he could think of was that at least it would be over.
Because of the buildings, he was further in shadow and it took longer for the sun to reach him and he watched the light creep across the earth until it finally touched his naked skin. It was warm, very warm, almost uncomfortably so, but he didn't burn, not like the girl did when she could move away no further. Smoke rose from her flesh and her skin turned black as she screamed, sounding more like an animal than a human being.
His skin turned pink as the light crept over him, but there was no smoke and it filled him with despair. If he had burned it would have been over, but he wasn't allowed that mercy and as his companion writhed and struggled and screamed he curled in on himself, trying to shut it out, to make it go away. The screaming went on for minutes, but it wasn't really a relief when it stopped, because then all he had were the thoughts in his head. He pushed them away, sinking as far from reality as he could, but when someone touched his shoulder he still cried out and tried to move away.
====
Tom was out of the car so fast that no one could keep up with him. When the call had come that Bill had been found and was still alive he had almost passed out as the knot inside him had released.
Three weeks he had been waiting; three weeks with no information from the police, no sign of Bill and it had almost killed him. The previous night he had woken up screaming, the worst feeling he had ever felt welling up in his chest and he had been almost sure Bill was dead. It had been the most terrible night of his life and the phone call that day had been like a reprieve for a condemned man. He had spent every day just waiting for news and the fact that Bill was alive was all he cared about.
For the first time in about a week he had actually had the energy to throw on some clean clothes and step outside the house. Nothing mattered more to him the reaching Bill and he was barely taking any notice of anyone else. Because of the media attention David and Saki were there to deal with anything that needed their intervention and Tom knew his mum and Gordon were on his heels as well as he shot into the hospital.
He didn't even need to go up to the desk and ask; the hospital must have arranged to have someone waiting for them, because the moment he stepped inside he was intercepted by a young woman in a suit.
"Hello, my name is Gabrielle," the woman introduced herself, "the director asked me to meet you. If you need anything while you are here, please ask for me. If you would like to come this way."
Tom wasn't about to argue and he didn't have the mental capacity for pleasantries at the moment, so he simply nodded.
"Thank you," he heard his mother say, but he was completely focused on reaching Bill.
When they were led into a small room, Tom was pleased to be out of the main hospital area, but there was one definite thing missing; Bill wasn't there and Gabrielle was gone before he could ask her anything.
"Good evening," a woman in a white coat said as soon as the door closed.
"Where's Bill?" Tom interrupted, since there was only one thing he cared about.
"In a private room just down the corridor," the woman said as if she had been expecting his reaction, "and I will be very happy to take you to him shortly. I'm Doctor Brucker; I've been looking after Bill since just after he was brought in. I asked the staff to show you in here first so I could explain a few things."
He didn't like the sound of that, but Dr Brucker looked sincere, so he just about managed to hold himself still. He wanted to see Bill and he wanted to see him right then and he could barely contain the need.
"Please could you just tell us so I can see my son," his mother said in as calm a voice as anyone was capable of.
She placed a gentle hand on his arm and he was sure she knew what he was thinking.
"Of course, I'm sorry to have had to delay you. Firstly, I would advise that as few men as possible go in to begin with," Dr Brucker explained and Tom felt himself going cold; "until we're sure Bill recognises you. He reacted very badly to the first male doctor who tried to examine him and all subsequent male members of staff, which is why I was called in. We have kept any male contact to a bare minimum. He's very severely traumatised and we've had to restrain him for his own safety. Before we did that, we found him under the bed twice and we don't want him to hurt himself."
Tom had to take a long deep breath and use every ounce of self control he possessed not to lash out. Someone had hurt Bill and that made him more angry than he could possibly explain.
"What did they do to my little boy?" his mother asked in a very tight, brittle voice.
"There were signs of prolonged sexual abuse," Dr Brucker said and Tom just wanted to punch her sympathetic features, mostly because she was the only target in range. "We're awaiting toxicology results to see if he was exposed to any substances, but given his somewhat unique physical state, we believe he might have been."
"Unique, unique how?" Tom asked, needing some outlet for his anger and channelling it into words seemed like a good idea.
"Your brother was found at dawn this morning," Dr Brucker said which made Tom open his mouth, but the doctor held up her hand as if she knew what he was going to say, "you were not notified until two hours ago because he was not identified until then."
Tom wanted to know why the hell not since Bill was one of the best known faces in Germany, but he held his tongue.
"When he was brought in, Bill's blood pressure and other vital signs were virtually non-existent," Dr Brucker explained, "and stabilising him was our first priority. Even so, had he been as he is now, someone would have recognised him, but when Bill arrived here he was classed as an albino because he looked like this."
The doctor passed over a Polaroid photograph and Tom leant in as his mother took it. All his anger melted away as he saw what Bill looked like, even he could barely recognise his twin. Bill's hair had no colour at all, it was pure white and Bill's skin was so pale it was almost translucent.
"What you can't see in this picture is that his eyes were also red. We began a transfusion straight away," Dr Brucker continued, "and it was shortly after this he woke up. It was also then that his hair began to turn black, his eyes turned brown and several hours later one of the nurses noticed the tattoos."
"But Bill's hair is naturally blond like mine," Tom said, completely confused, "why did it turn black, and how can tattoos disappear and reappear?"
"We don't know," Dr Brucker said honestly, "and we can't explain his condition. We're working on the theory that an unusual chemical reaction caused a skin condition and his symptoms. We're hoping the lab tests we're waiting for will give us more of an idea what happened to him. As soon as we know, we will of course tell you."
Tom just stared at the photo.
"Can we see Bill now, please?" his mother finally said.
The doctor nodded and Tom followed her out of the room as shock sent his thoughts all over the place. What Dr Brucker had described seemed impossible, but the evidence had been right in front of him. He walked down the corridor after the doctor, mind filled with images of what he wanted to do to the person or persons who had caused harm to Bill. It wasn't the healthiest of subjects to dwell on, but it stopped him yelling at anyone and everyone about the injustice of it all.
When they reached a closed door about halfway down the corridor, he put the thoughts aside and tried to mentally prepare himself for seeing Bill.
"Perhaps just you first, Mrs Kaulitz-Trumper?" Dr Brucker suggested and Tom stiffened.
"If Bill will recognise anyone it will be Tom," his mother said before he could respond. "We'll both go in, thank you."
Dr Brucker looked him straight in the eye and he looked right back; he needed to see Bill no matter what any doctor said.
"All right," Dr Brucker said and took hold of the door handle, "but remember that sudden movements are likely to scare him. The lights are down quite low because he seems to be photosensitive."
Tom nodded, more so she would just open the damn door than anything else. The moment it was open, he followed his mother through, fully intent on finding Bill. What he saw made him pause for a moment as the reality sank in.
Bill was lying there staring off to the left with empty eyes and Tom felt the almost overwhelming desire to scream very loudly at the world for reducing his twin to this. Bill wrists and ankles were secured in leather padded cuffs and there were two straps across Bill's body. He looked so small and pale in the hospital bed and Tom stepped round his mother where she had frozen just inside the doorway. He needed to reach Bill, it was the only thing in his mind and only Dr Brucker's warning brought him up short beside the bed.
At least Bill looked like Bill now; the staring eyes were light brown and, although some of Bill's hair was white, it looked liked someone had streaked it that way. There was a blood bag attached to Bill's right arm and the slow beeping of a heart monitor was the only sound in the room. It was, at the same time, such a relief and so difficult to see as Tom looked at his twin. For a moment he didn't know what to do, since Bill didn't even seem to know he was there.
"Bill," he finally said in little more than a whisper.
"He..." Dr Brucker began to say, but her voice stopped as Bill actually moved.
Bill's head turned very slowly and Tom could see that his twin was terrified, but he didn't know of what, and so he stayed perfectly still. He stood there as Bill's eyes slowly fixed on him and the fear gradually dissolved into confusion. The frown was almost worse that the terror; Bill looked as if he didn't know what was real.
"I'm here," Tom said quietly, moving a little closer, "I'm here."
It was in that moment that they reconnected; Tom saw recognition in Bill and it felt like life had suddenly started again. Bill tried to reach for him and came up short against the restraints and the distressed noise Bill made was almost too much for Tom. He didn't think about anything else, all that he cared about was Bill and he reached for the nearest buckle.
Bill was pulling against the restraints, but somehow Tom managed to get them undone and then he had an arm full of sobbing, clinging Bill. The IV went flying and crashed to the floor, but that was completely irrelevant and Tom cradled his sobbing twin in his arms, holding Bill as tightly as he dared.
"It's okay," he said, stoking Bill's hair and automatically rocking gently where he stood, "I've got you."
If he ever got his hands on the person who had done this to his little brother there wouldn't be enough of them left in one piece to fill a small bucket.
====
They'd had to lower the metal bars on the side of the bed so that Tom could sit down, because Bill wouldn't let go of him. Just getting Bill to loosen his hold long enough for that had been difficult, but Tom had ended up propped up against the pillows with his twin still in his arms. It didn't even remotely occur to Tom to let go and he knew he needed this as much as Bill did.
He'd been sitting there for nearly an hour already and Bill's face was buried in his shoulder. With his help the nurses had set the blood bag back up, but all Bill seemed to care about was hanging on. The crying had stopped after about fifteen minutes, but Tom had continued to gently stroke Bill's hair and whisper comforting words. Bill didn't seem to notice anyone else, not even their mother, but he had flinched away when she tried to touch him. Contact with anyone but Tom seemed to upset him, so Tom was taking his position as bodyguard very seriously.
His mother had spoken to the police, but there were no details about the investigation forthcoming and it was more frustrating than anything. Part of him wanted to know what the police were doing and when they were going to catch the person responsible for hurting his little brother, but the rest of him was just so completely relieved to have Bill back that he couldn't think about anything else.
Looking down, he tucked a stray piece of hair behind Bill's ear and studied his twin's face for a little while. He wasn't sure if Bill was asleep or just lying there with his eyes closed, since Bill had always been very good at pretending to be asleep when he wasn't, but it didn't make a huge amount of difference really. He was going to look after Bill now and he could do that no matter Bill's consciousness level.
"You look almost peaceful together," his mum said quietly, from where she was sitting next to the bed; "I haven't seen you like this since you were small. When you were little I used to find you curled up together all over the house."
Tom gave a small smile at that, because it was easier to remember the past than it was to face the present. He and Bill had been inseparable for a large percentage of their lives; they still were for many things and he remembered those times fondly.
"Remember when we hid in the airing cupboard and said we were running away?" he asked, recalling how they had built a nest of towels in the bottom of the cupboard in question.
His mother smiled at that as well.
"How could I forget?" she replied, eyes suspiciously bright as she looked at him and Bill. "I had told Bill off for going into the fridge for strawberries and you weren't having any of it. That cupboard smelled of strawberries for years."
"Well I asked him to get me a strawberry," Tom confessed for the first time ever; it had always been his and Bill's secret, "so I couldn't let you punish him. We had our own little kingdom for a few hours there."
It had been a grand adventure that day.
"How long did it really take you to find us?" he asked, going over what he could recall in his head.
"About ten minutes," his mother confessed with a smile, "but I decided to let you come out on your own. Of course you out-waited me and I had to pretend to find you."
Tom felt a lump forming in his throat.
"I wish I could have found Bill in ten minutes," he said, as the guilt rose up to claim him.
He just about kept the tears back, but it was a very close thing.
"Oh, Sweetheart," his mother said, reaching out and taking the hand that wasn't wrapped around Bill, "none of this is your fault. Just be glad we have him back now."
"I am," he replied, his voice cracking, "but I should have followed my instincts; I knew something wasn't right, I never should have left him."
His mother's face hardened a little and her grip became very firm.
"Stop blaming yourself, Tom," she said in a no-nonsense tone; "blame isn't going to help you or Bill or me. We will get through this together, like we always do and that is the end of it. Am I understood, Young Man?"
Tom found himself smiling despite what he was feeling; their mother had never been very good at the stern thing. Order had always been kept in the household by underlying respect and the dread of upsetting their mother, very rarely by shouting, and so their mum was far better at the 'I'm disappointed in you' expression than her current one. It did a halfway good job, however, since his mother could always make him realise when he was being an idiot.
"Yes, Mama," he said and tried to believe it himself.
====
Bill held to Tom, needing to feel his twin close. Nothing else made any sense; it was like he was walking through a dream. One minute there would be no one there and the next someone would be looming over him. It scared him and the only thing he had that was constant was Tom. With Tom he felt safe; he knew his twin would hold him and protect him and his muddled mind didn't seem able to lose track of Tom.
When he had first turned and seen this angel in the complete confusion that his reality had become, he had been terrified that it was another trick. So many things he had seen and heard while in captivity had been illusions that had shattered the moment he had tried to touch them and Tom had looked so real, but he hadn’t been able to let himself believe. Only when Tom had spoken to him had he known and that was because Tom's voice cut through everything. Looking into Tom's eyes had been like finding sanctuary in a world that had gone to hell, and he had reached for his twin with everything he had.
Now he could not let go, and it wasn't because he feared Tom would leave him, it was because Tom was his anchor. He could not keep track of anything else and just about everything frightened him; everything except Tom. His courage was gone, beaten out of him, and Tom was the only strength he had left.
When someone gently touched his shoulder, he flinched away, trying to bury himself in Tom's side. Hands were only ever a prelude to something worse and only Tom's were safe.
"It's okay," Tom whispered to him, quietly and gently, "no one is going to hurt you, Bill. I won't let them."
Every fibre of his being trusted Tom, but that didn't stop him being afraid.
"Bill," Tom gently took hold of his chin and urged him to look up.
He didn't want to and he knew Tom wouldn't make him, but Tom seemed to want him to, so he did. Looking into eyes identical to his own, he felt safe, but that didn't stop there being the other presence behind him; the person who had touched his shoulder, and he was afraid to look round.
"Dr Brucker needs to take another blood sample," Tom told him slowly and calmly; "they need to find out what was done to you so they can help you get better."
Bill didn't want anyone else to touch him.
"I know you're afraid, Billi," Tom told him as he almost buried his head again, "but this is important. I won't leave you. They need your arm, the one without the IV in it."
Bill looked down at himself, seeing the tube and bandage in the crook of one arm. His other arm was hidden by Tom's shirt and he didn't want to let go, but if they wanted his arm, he was going to have to turn.
"I won't let you go," Tom promised him while slowly urging him to move.
He let himself be turned, because it was Tom asking him to, but he stared at the bed, not wanting to look up. Tom's arms were still around him, holding him, just as promised, but that didn't mean there weren't frightening things in the world around him.
"Hello, Bill," a woman's voice greeted him, one he thought he had heard before, but it was difficult to remember, "thank you for agreeing. I'm going to take your arm now."
He wanted to pull away when her warm fingers touched his skin, but Tom was rubbing the top of his arm soothingly, so he only moved a little.
"It won't take long," Tom told him quietly, holding him gently and giving him at least that security, "try and concentrate on me."
"This might sting a little," the woman said, but he was trying not to think about her.
He felt the needle go in, but it was noting compared to what he had had to endure at the hands of his captors and he barely reacted at all. Only when he looked down to see the needle and capsule hanging from his arm did anything change. The red of his blood grabbed his whole attention and his muddled neurons began firing instantly.
Bill couldn't take his eyes off the slowly filling container and the sight of the blood sent his mind racing. The hand which was now holding his wrist morphed into another hand with ornate rings and carefully manicured finger nails and where the syringe had been all he could see was two puncture marks. He looked up and saw not the person a tiny part of his mind knew was still standing there, but a man with long bloody fangs and an evil smile.
Fighting never worked, they would just hold him tighter and all he could do was sit there and stare. He began to shake, frozen in his fear.
"Bill," Tom's voice barely made it past the wall of terror that was slowly building in his mind.
It took every ounce of will he had just to make a tiny sound.
"Finish, now!" he heard Tom say, but he was too trapped in his own recollections to know what was happening.
He could barely breathe he was so afraid and it was incredibly difficult to drag air into his lungs. Folding up and hiding was what he wanted to do, but he didn't dare pull away; not from him; it just brought worse later. When the hand released his wrist, he whimpered quietly in relief, but he still couldn't make himself move.
"Bill," he almost couldn't hear Tom speaking to him, but his twin's voice just made it through, "you're safe, Billi. Look at me; I won't let anyone hurt you."
There were hands on his cheeks and he blinked several times as the face of his attacker hovered in front of his eye. It seemed to take an age as Tom continued to talk to him, but finally he blinked one last time and Tom was looking back at him, not the amorphous features of the person who had held him captive. He was so relieved he gave a huge, shuddering gasp and reached for Tom. His twin welcomed him into his arms and he took the comfort for all it was worth, hiding his face from the world and pushing reality as far away as he could.
Everything around him was unpredictable and scary and he would have disappeared into Tom if he could. He could barely tell what was real and what was in his mind and sometimes he totally failed and all he had was Tom. His thoughts seemed to be completely out of his control and all he desperately wanted was to feel safe.
"I've got you," Tom whispered to him, petting his hair and stroking his back, "everything will be okay."
He couldn't speak, but he needed to communicate with Tom and so he held tighter. He knew Tom would understand, Tom had to, it was all he had left.
End of Part 1
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